[11 Nov 2002|05:23pm] [ mood | woozy ] I'm not sure if it's the caffeine depravation, but the Major responded more violently to the peace offering of peach schnapps than I could have imagined. Am now stumbling to my room, dead tired and soggy and reeking of peach liquor. Should be lucky, I suppose, that he only upended the bottle over my head, instead of breaking it. Dammit, where is my room? If I don't find it soon, I'm in danger of passing out on the spot. 5 comments|post comment

Don't know WHERE the bottle of peach schnapps came from... [11 Nov 2002|02:18pm] It's so terribly late at night, and I'm so tired and groggy. I remember... being sent out to find Nescafe. I remember trying a few stores, coming up empty. I remember being afraid of what the Major might do to me if I fail this mission! I must have bought this bottle of peach schnapps as a peace offering, as I failed to find Nescafe. For that matter, why the schnapps? Why didn't I buy a nice bottle of Mosel? Sleep depravation is hell, I tell you. Ah well -- here goes. I'm off to report. *whimper* My mother didn't raise any cowards, but I'm beginning to wonder if she didn't raise a very large fool. post comment

Oh, whatever am I to do?! [07 Nov 2002|07:00pm] [ mood | terrified ] The Major is in as terrible a mood as I've ever seen him! I think he's been up all night, scrawling 'Der Spike, I will KILL you' repeatedly on ever surface that will hold ink. Including his chest!! When he commanded me to find him Nescafe, he was rolling up his pantlegs and pushing down his socks. I was happy to leave his presence, I'll tell you that! But, but... it seems that a mysterious mustachioed man has been to every store in the city, and purchased every available bottle of non-decaf Nescafe. Oh, I can't return to the Major empty handed! Whatever shall I do?! post comment

Think Major was nearly sick. Dammit -- that would've been grand. I wanted photos. [18 Jun 2002|02:18am] [ mood | smuggity smug ] How was I to know that G was with J, and not missing at all? Still, searching-for-G interlude was great opportunity for Major to learn some, hm, THINGS about his precious protégé. Still think Herr Z is perfect ramrod-straight following-in-your-footsteps good German boy, Major? I didn't think so. MUWAHAHAHAHA!!! Ha. Haha. Hee. Best part is, evidence was plenty incriminating on its own. Didn't have to plant any of it. post comment

Shall have to remember to compliment Major -- he looks very good in plaid. [17 Jun 2002|01:23pm] Plaid wooly blanket that is, wrapped toga-style. Until he lost blanket, at which point hastily averted eyes. Ogling Major is what led Z down path to destruction. Refuse to make same mistake!! Major in very large hurry. Damn it! Of course he *would* rush upstairs and lock himself in room when I need to talk to him. I must know where Eroica is! Guess I'll just have to slip note under door. post comment

Wonder what happened to that poor car... [17 Jun 2002|01:21pm] Gathered the troops to greet Major, even if all were grumpy at having been woken at 4:00 AM. Wonder why I wasn't asleep at 4:00 AM. In fact, wonder why am rather, hm, AWAKE and twitchy, and need to use bathroom again. Just went ten minutes ago! Had actually been expecting Eroica, and had to alter plans last-minute. You know, discreetly hide the rocket launcher, that sort of thing. post comment

Forget sympathy petting -- vengeance WILL be mine! [17 Jun 2002|01:18pm] If wanted objects shoved up rear, would submit to sex with sadistic wife! (Note to self: give that bastard Z an excuse to stop by my house some time she'll be there and bored, and I'll be conveniently elsewhere.) You'll pay, Eroica! I don't know how, but you'll pay! The Major too, for dragging me out to Alaska in the first place! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!! post comment

[18 May 2002|07:55pm] [ mood | angry ] You and You are dead bastards. Wanted *it*, not a cucumber stuck up ass! If you think that's *it*, you're both horrible, horrible human beings. the major's right. Should stick with women... or womenly people. Must find G. Must find Major -- but Major hates being rescued. As soon as carrot removed from backside, will find G for sympathy and petting. post comment

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